my granddad just called me to tell me how big his cauliflowers are growing and it was so cute theyre “TWICE as big as the ones you get in the shop”
i told my granddad this post has 3,500 notes and he said ‘who are they? do i know them?’ he wanted me to list everyone and see if he knew anyone
i dont even know where to start
what the fuck is that behind the chair
If someone calls you ‘ugly’ have a good comeback and say ‘excuse me, I am not a mirror’.
I have a story.
So my sister got run over by a car once. It was a pretty big deal. Well like a year later she got into a little fender bender and was really bent out of shape about it, so I went and got her a cake.
When I put in my order for the cake, the guy at the bakery asked, “Do you want it to say anything?”
And with a perfectly straight face, I said, “‘Sorry you got hit by a car again.’”
He narrowed his eyes a moment, then nodded and wrote it down, and took it to kitchen to get the writing done.
All the way from the back of the kitchen, I hear a woman shout, “‘Again’?!”
IM LAUGHIGN SO HARD
MY GREAT AUNT FRIENDED SOMEONE WITH THE SMAE NAME AS ME ON FACEBOOK THINKING IT WAS ME
the girld idnt even question it ic ant breathe
This weeks American hero.
yes, that is britney spears, (who has sold more than 200 Million records, has six #1 albums, 2 diamond albums, has more than 400 awards, and is worth 200 million dollars) waiting in line to be served at starbucks wearing pyjamas